The Banker's Diary
by RiderExMachina
Summary: The Banker from Majora's Mask (3D) keeps a diary. T for Mild Language
1. Chapter 1

Day 1:

Finally, my stall has been transferred to just behind the clock tower. While yes, my view is now of a stupid owl statue, I should hopefully get more customers in my new location. The old location in the side alley was just too out of the way. So, I guess here goes.

I'm really excited for the festival. It's always been great and I don't see this year being any different. And maybe the mayor's son will notice me now that I'm in my new location. One can dream at least.

That... that was weird. A small little Deku Scrub wearing a green hat just ran in front of me towards the owl statue. The statue turned blue and... grew wings? I didn't know that statue had wings! That's quite a trick little scrub.

Oh, he's coming.

* * *

So that was a little strange. The scrub approached me and gave me some money for me to hold on to for him. I mean, yes, I am a banker, so that's what they were supposed to do, but most scrubs don't carry money. Those gems are as worthless to them as deku seeds are to us humans. But what do I know?

Anyway, I ran through the usual: gave him a stamp, told him about our rewards program (no toasters, only wallets), and sent him on his way. He ran off towards the South end of town where the head Bomber kid hangs out. Little brats.

Now I guess I'll sit here at this never ending job. Maybe if the mayor's son... Eh, who am I kidding? My parents were bankers, their parents were bankers... I guess I'll just be a banker. The last of my clan. Man, that's depressing.

Day 2:

The scrub came by at two in the morning and deposited another few rupees. It wasn't a lot, but per regulations, I was forced to say (in a cheery voice) "Wow, you're such a big saver! " and giggle teasingly. Ugh.

A scrub and a human... they just don't work together that way. Thankfully there's that mayor's kid... Maybe I should stop talking about him. Oh, screw it—what else are diaries for? I wish he realized that when I giggle and blush, it's not an act. But men are all just so stupid and clueless and can't do a damned thing.

Oh, the scrub's coming back.

* * *

I'm not sure if he can leave the city or not (he shouldn't be able to, the guards stop anything that's not an adult human), but damn, that scrub can collect. He's almost at the first rewards tier and he's been at it for less than 24 hours! Maybe he's stealing it... hopefully from that loser Tingle. That guy is one creepy son of a bitch. I wish he would just leave and kill himself or something.

I mean, who's ever heard of a thirty year old thinking he's a fairy? I swear, that cat isn't all there. He's not the sharpest tool in the box, if you know what I mean. Of course you do; you're my diary. But seriously though; Tingle, go die! Actually, I'm not sure how natural selection hasn't taken him out yet. But hey, it's not like he could live for hundreds of years.

Oh hey, I forgot. Another great thing about my relocation is getting away from those dancing creeps at sundown. I guess I traded that for a distanced view of Tingle but... actually you know what? Having dancing crazies for half the night is tons better than a psycho in green for the entire day. Maybe I'll relocate again.

If I had to choose one spot, it would be on top of the roof right outside the Bombers' hideout. Not because of the Bombers, mind you, but because of that hunk. You know who I mean.. Damn, son; you know how to drive a girl crazy.

**Sigh** Okay, I guess it's time to wait through the night again. I wonder if that weird little scrub will come back.

Day 3:

Sure enough, the scrub came back at around six in the morning; a lot better than his previous time of two. To be honest, he surprised me a little when he gave me over one hundred rupees, allowing him to reach the first reward tier, effectively forcing me to give him his honorary Adult Wallet. What a joke. Scrubs are scrubs, not humans. I'm pretty sure there's not even such a thing as an "adult scrub." Eh, but what do I know? I'm not some kind of Deku Scrub Anthropologist™.

Actually that makes me wonder... how do scrubs reproduce? Not like I care or anything, but it's actually kind of puzzling. Is it kind of like how plants reproduce, or not even close? This is going to haunt me for the rest of the day.

* * *

I know, it's been nearly an entire day and there's hardly anything in here... not even about that hunk ! I'll chalk this up to being bored out of my wits. So bored, in fact, that I just sat there dazed for a few hours. When I snapped out of it, it was midnight, and something was happening.

Not the festival, even though that's supposed to take place today, no- I heard a strange laugh come from above and behind me. It was creepy. Maybe I'll ask the builders if I can move to the roof by the Bombers' hiding place tomorrow.

Anyway, I naturally looked up and HOLY SHIT ON A STICK the moon was huge and had a face and was staring pretty much right at me! I think I peed my pants a little. Soon after there was a loud pop and then some horns playing some kind of music. To be honest... it was a little bit relaxing... …...


	2. Chapter 2

**Day 1:**

_**SWEET MOTHER OF MAJORA, WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE!**_

Apparently I'm the only one in town who can see it, but the moon has grown this scary-ass face and is seriously close. In fact, I'm pretty sure it's getting closer every minute, but it's hard to tell. I had told the builder about it, but he said I was just seeing things. I don't believe him.

The really sucky part about this is that I just moved to this new location right behind the clock tower. At first I thought that this new location would get me more customers than my previous location at a back alley, but no. All I get for my view is a creepy owl statue and Tingle in the distance.

It's a pity I can't get the builder to move me again; I'd really like being on the rooftop by the Bombers' hideout. Yes, I'd be surrounded by annoying brats, but hey, at least I'd get to see the mayor's hunk of a son every day. Hmm, that's weird, I feel like I've written something like this before... Eh, I probably have; I've had a crush on that kid since grade school.

My neighbor is being extremely noisy, which is odd considering my neighbor is a clock. Or maybe it's not; I mean the bells aren't exactly quiet. Either way, that's not what I mean. Some guy is yelling about "you didn't get the mask?!"

I don't know what he means, but he sounds serious over some stupid face covering. Maybe he's ugly? I dunno. It's all just conjecture on my part at this point.

So this kid just came out wearing a green hat and went straight to the owl statue in front of me. It flashed before he came over. He said that I was holding some rupees for him. I checked for his stamp and I checked my bank records and sure enough, I was holding his cash.

I don't remember him at all, though, and you'd think I would, considering he had two hundred rupees to his name at my bank. I mean, the kid wasn't more than twelve and he had 200 rupees! What is Termina coming to?!

I dunno, man; maybe this is all just a part of my imagination, like the moon. After all, the kid was kind of cute. Not in the shota way—that's just gross—but he definitely had quite the feel to him. Okay girl, back to day dreaming about that mayor's kid.

* * *

The kid came back in the morning, cashing in with two hundred rupees. Apparently he had the Adult Wallet, even though today was his first day in Clock Town... Of course, if that was true, how come he had my stamp and already had a balance of two hundred rupees with my bank? That's just something I can't answer. Maybe I should get someone to cover for tomorrow—I clearly need sleep.

**Day 2:**

_**ON THE NAME OF GOHT, THE DESTROYER OF TERMINA I WAS CORRECT AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT!**_

The moon looks like it halved the distance from it's previous spot and I'm now terrified for Termina and—by proxy—Clock Town. Looks like my observations from yesterday were correct. Shit.

I'm pretty sure that no one can save us—what can stop a falling moon, after all? The best we can do is not think about it. As a side note that is only sort of related, I'm super depressed today, so much so that even thinking about Mr. Mayor's son doesn't help. Maybe I'll have someone else take over for the rest of the day...

**Day 3:**

Yeah, the moon is almost directly blocking my line of sight to the horizon—in other words, I only see a sliver of sky between the angry moon and the walls of the city. That's a little more depressing.

As a side note, I haven't seen the kid at all today, just a deku scrub wearing a green hat. At first I though it was the kid, but that's just crazy talk... then again, so is the creepy-as-shit moon and a phantom kid who has money in my bank without my knowledge.

Oh, speaking of the kid, here he comes.

* * *

The kid gave me another two hundred rupees. Where does he find the money? Hidden under rocks? Maybe he steals from people or just finds it laying in the grass... but he looks like a nice kid, I don't think he'd even smash a pot. Well, what do I know?

As the night comes, I know my fate is sealed. The moon is directly overhead and the only thing I can see is its menacing gaze and perfect teeth of which I am jealous. That's a surreal thought—I'm jealous of a moon's smile. Or maybe it's the man-in-the-moon's smile. Who knows. Well, at least I'll get to die listening to a nice tune from an Ocarina... … …


End file.
